Is She Alive? Why Isn't My Baby Moving

Valerie Abreau: 01:20

Okay, I can talk quite a bit. But I'll just give you an overview. So part of my story with the hope piece is Scott, and I have been married 30 years. And we after about three years of marriage, we decided to try and start a family, and we were seven years trying to get pregnant. I had fibroids, and I didn't realize that I had six of them. I was told I had one. And so when they went in to do the surgery to remove the fibroid, there were six, and one of them was quite large, it was on the anterior wall of my uterus.

Valerie Abreau: 02:23

So that meant that I was never going to have a natural birth if I ever did get pregnant. So this was 2000. So by the time you know, we tried, I got to be in 38. And after seven years of trying, where you're looking, you know, you're trying to pray that your menstrual cycles not going to arrive. And every month it's arriving and seven years of that kind of takes its toll on you. So after the end of seven years, at my 38th birthday, we decided that was enough. We weren't going to be the first parents never to have children, we weren't probably going to be the last. And we just trusted that God had a different path for us.

Valerie Abreau: 02:59

The very next month, August I was pregnant. And it was pretty exciting. Scott, we I remember, because I was kind of thinking, I feel like I might be pregnant, you know, the the heavy breasts and the soreness and, and that kind of thing. And I think it was a couple of days late. So I decided, well, you know, maybe maybe it was about a week late, because I didn't want to kind of get as excited again. So we went to the pharmacy to pick up the pregnancy test. And it was very cute. Can we find the bathroom and do it here? This needs to be done at home. So, though we went home, we did the test. I did my piece and I handed the test to him and just watching his face, as that line came across was just amazing. He was just like a little boy. He's testing you, you're pregnant. So that was the 26th of August 2001.

Valerie Abreau: 04:06

And we had a beautiful pregnancy so we were just so thankful I can't tell you Diane, how close my walk to God was at that time. I just felt that he had heard our prayers. I was Hannah. I was Sarah. But I had been blessed with this beautiful pregnancy so we had a gorgeous pregnancy I just kind of gained weight at the front that God knows I don't do vomit. So thankfully he prevented me from having to do morning sickness

Diane Belz: 04:37

That was me

Valerie Abreau: 04:43

so I had this gorgeous pregnancy I felt healthy. I've always taken care of myself sort of you know, kept fit out ate well, and Scott was like a mother hand like, make sure you get your veggies and your fruit and all the rest of it. So it was kind of cool. So you can imagine In the devastation, when we had a prolapsed cord, I didn't even know a cord prolapse. I didn't know what that was. So I had a bad chest infection. So we are week 39. Now, so I was having a plan C section because I've had the fibroid surgery in 2000.

Valerie Abreau: 05:16

So I was never going to have a natural birth, my obstetrician was going to be away on vacation. So he booked to do the C section two days before the due dates, and normally it's within the two weeks prior to the due date. But I was feeling good. I was feeling healthy. The baby was doing great. So we were okay with that. But I had this bad chest infection a week before, and I was coughing and coughing. And I didn't know that I had gone into labor, but I knew that the baby was breech. So I was coughing and coughing, and it was the morning of the 19th of April 2002. And I felt something between my legs. But I thought it was her foot. And we knew we're having a girl, because I knew she was breech didn't know that a corporate prolapse. And so that's what it happened. So we were basically in an emergency situation Scott had the wherewithal to call 911, I traveled to the hospital on my hands and knees with some guys hand up my vagina holding my baby. And she stopped moving.

Valerie Abreau: 06:16

And all I could think of was just to keep praying, just move baby move. But my baby wasn't moving. gets me every time. So I get to the hospital. I don't know how Scott got there. He traveled in the car. But he was able to see the baby being born. So I had an emergency C section they basically reopen. And Melody Ann was heart rate was less than 60. So she was basically dying. So they resuscitated her and put her in the intensive care unit and Scott was met by the EMT guy that was with me and about at the dorm. He was brought to a place where he could see Melody Ann being born. So and it was nice that that EMT guy stayed with him. So when when it came to, I just remember thinking, oh, did we get a girl? Was it a girl? And is she okay? Yeah.

Valerie Abreau: 07:16

She was on ventilator electrodes everywhere in the neonatal intensive care unit, and she was the biggest babies, because the rest of them were all premature. And she was I think forgetting exactly nine pounds something. Oh, yeah. So she was a big girl. And she was beautiful. Of course, he was beautiful. And we because Scott and I are healthcare professionals. I'm a physiotherapist. That's been my profession for 30 years. And Scott is a nurse. So we're both of us have worked in the intensive care unit. So we're used to seeing people on ventilators and we're used to seeing them get excavated and carry on and do well. So it didn't really register the severity of what was going on with Melody Annuntil about 24 hours later. And I remember thinking, Why am I in a private room and how come I have a phone I didn't ask for any of this. They were just preparing us and Melody Ann was not expected to live past the weekend. She was born on a Friday morning. And the neonatologist kept saying bulbar palsy, bola palsy, so basically met Melody Ann had hypoxia. So the blood supply was cut off so there wasn't enough oxygen going to her. So she is cerebral palsy with a GG tube she had to at that time she had a nasal gastric tube, so a tube to feed her was going up through her nose and into her tummy. And she was having seizures. And they basically didn't think that she would last the weekend. So when the neonatologist came back in on Monday, he was very surprised. But God had other plans for my baby. So we were expected to take Melody Ann home with the expectation that she was going to die and that was the hardest thing was leaving my baby in the hospital because she wasn't ready to go home when I was discharged. So I remember Scott and I going back to our home and the nursery that we had prepared for her and all the little clothing and the toys and and everything and it was just the hardest thing to sit there with this room and no baby.

Valerie Abreau: 09:32

But we just believed that we would have been our home she when she was discharged about a week and a half later. She was basically sent home today. We couldn't go home unless we have had palliative care. They didn't want us to be on our own with a baby so we had to have seven days a week somebody at night with our baby but Melody Ann had other plans She was not ready to go. And God had a purpose and a plan for her life. So she continued to thrive, she had a will to live a very strong will to live. We were told she would have a year best. So we were going to make that the best year of our lives. And we wouldn't make that the best year of her life, because that was technically her only the year of life. But she, yeah, she's just an amazing child. But I remember being so mad was God. So mad. I had waited seven years to have this baby. I've had a beautiful pregnancy. And then this happened. So many people were so excited for us, they've seen the miracle of us, conceiving and giving birth to this baby girl. So I was really angry, I had nothing to say to him nothing. But I knew that I was responsible for Melody Ann's salvation, and I wanted her to know who Jesus was, even though I didn't really have much of a relationship with him at the time.

Valerie Abreau: 11:09

So I remember Melody Ann's story at that time she was born with Jairus, his daughter being raised from the dead. And I remember thinking God, you can do this, we're just asking for some regeneration if some brain cells like my baby's alive, but you can regenerate some more those those brain cells, but we read melody and stories every day, we prayed with her every day, we prayed over her milk that I had to pump because she couldn't. She couldn't stop from my breasts. So we had worship with a faithfully every morning, every evening, we sang five songs that she, to this day still enjoys. So we would have our worship routine. And that was the thread that kept me connected to God. Over time, I was able to redevelop my own relationship with him. But I was going to make sure my baby even if she only had a year to live was going to know who Jesus was. I wanted her to have her own relationship with Him and have to tell you something beautiful. She is a Jesus girl. And she, she hears Jesus singing over her. She told us that through her communication device, because she doesn't talk. She is not able to feed. So she has a G Tube. And she's in a wheelchair. So she's dependent for all care. But God kept me going through that year. And we realized that she wasn't going anywhere. As we were coming close to that year, it was like boulders were taken off of our shoulders. So then we shifted gears, we were going to make this child be the best that she could be. We taught her all the things that we would you would teach a regular child. I remember, we would show her there's different sleepers Melody Ann would you like to wear the purple one today? Or would you like to wear the yellow one. And so we would give her choices. And we weren't realizing she was taking all of this in. And when she was probably maybe two. She was laying underneath one of those toys where things hang down and you kind of bat around with them. And it had piano keys on the arch. And there were different colors. And just randomly I don't know whether it was Scott and myself probably Scott, Melody Ann could you touch the purple key? And she did. And we're like,

Valerie Abreau: 13:49

Okay, maybe that was a fluke. So then he said, Okay, can you touch the yellow key? And if you did, and it was like, Oh, my goodness, Scott. She's actually learning stuff. She's taking stuff in, she's absorbing stuff. So then we shifted gears again. And we were just sort of teaching her stuff and just treating her like you would treat any other child. And so we were able to help her progress cognitively. And physically, she is challenged, but she's able to learn to be able to roll over commando style crawl. We just gave her every opportunity that we could to experience life as any other child would experience life. And so that was exciting to see her reach the milestones. And one of the things we learned was if you challenge someone, they will often reach that challenge. If you don't challenge them, they're never going to expand, they're never going to grow. But if you set the bar, then they'll reach towards it. And that's what we experienced with Melody Ann we set the bar and she just kept moving forward, kept moving forward, kept reaching the goals kept reaching the bar, and so we would raise it that much higher. And so today, praise God she's 20 years old and Woohoo. And she is amazing. I mean, she always was, but she's amazing. We are so blessed to have been able to experience resiliency, because we've had to, as a family care for her, she's 24 hour care, she needs help with everything. She basically is dependent for l care, as I mentioned earlier. So we've had to, as a family be resilient. And you can imagine the strain that that can cause on relationships, when it's you're all consumed with your child, we, we have a second child, I was not going to have any more. But Scott saw a picture of a little boy in his wheelchair. And his sister was beside her him. And they were both laughing to beat the man. They were just both excited and just sharing so much joy between each other. And Scott said I want that finality. And so it was it was tough. But we did try again to have another baby. I was not conceiving. So we were just about to start the medication just to help create Clomid. I think it's called I'm not sure what, elsewhere, but the prescription and I thought, well, I'll just wait for my period to start and then I'll build a prescription and then I'll start taking it. Anyways, I, my period didn't come in. I'm like, okay, am I pregnant again. So we were at six weeks, I had a bleed. And I just said, Okay, Lord, if I'm going to lose this baby, just let it happen. Because I just, you know, I don't want to be dealing with grief here any more than I need to. Anyways, the baby went for an ultrasound right away and everything was fine, the heartbeat was going baby was looked where it, you know, was settled where it needed to be settled in my uterus. And we carried on and had another beautiful pregnancy, I was really monitored very closely this time, though, we had another girl. So being the parents of a child with a disability, and then we had this beautiful baby. So having to kind of, you know, bring that on board with everything else. So trying to nurture our marriage, we both work, we have two children, one has disabilities dependent for all care. And then we have this new brand new baby. So resilience was definitely needed. And we managed to do this. So Scott and I are 30 years married. And I just praise God that we've been able to work together to make it happen to give our children the best that we could give them within our means. So resilience was one thing, depending on God was another. As I mentioned earlier, I when Melody Ann was born, I had nothing to say to God. And it took that first year of feeding melody and with Jesus, to keep my connection. And as I realized that Melody Ann was not going anywhere, how can we use this guide, we wanted to be able to use our experience to help other people going through anything similar. So we made it a mission to share, you know, our experience with Melody Ann so within our church, anyone that within the CPU Association, cerebral palsy association that needed encouragement, we made it our mission to share with them our journey and just give them hope. Yes, you can, you know, you can be the best for your child, you can bring your child and give them hope as well and stretch them to be the best that they can be.

Valerie Abreau: 18:25

And so through that we have been able to with Melody Ann inspire others to do things. And one of the things that we were able to do was start a camp for children using communication devices. Melody Ann' speech language pathologist, and her name was Trish. She said, Hey, this this town going on in Idaho. So bearing in mind, we live in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, is this camp going on in Idaho? So he sent me five bucks. And I think it'd be great for Melody Ann because you know, it's account for kids using communication devices. So I thought about it, and I'm like, wow, that's 75 bucks. I guess that's not that bad. But that's a long way to drive to go to a camp. But I was just so wanting Melody Ann to experience camp as a regular kids experience camp to be around kids like her. So we looked into it and we decided we would go so we pay the $75 we secure some accommodation, which they had on the campus where they were having to count. And so we drove the two days to get there. And I gone with my pen and paper and I was writing down all kinds of notes because I'm thinking there needs to be a camping candidate for these kids. So I took copious notes, six of his one as a team. So as Melody Ann my youngest ebony, my husband and I and two eights that we had that work with us. So we went down. And it was amazing. It was just so wonderful to be part of a community that got us that understood, and to watch these other kids and Just to learn from them and network with the other parents. So it was pretty amazing. So we came back with the notes. And we went back actually four years in a row, because it was just so amazing to see how the kids were progressing. And again, that sense of family, and community. And so we started our own camp, and the director of the camp in Idaho agreed to, for us to be a sister camp, and she actually came and helped us put on our first camp. So we partnered with Alberta university, so University of Alberta. And we partnered with March of Dimes Canada, to put on this this camp. So we have been running since 2016. During COVID, we had to prove it to a virtual, and we're going back to in person again this year. And we have our camp at the end of August. So pretty excited. So all of that because of malady n. So that inspired us to give hope to other families to bring their kids to camp to. I'm one of the beautiful things. The first year we had the camp, they asked me to speak. And at the end of the camp, one of the ladies came up and she said I was so scared to use my kids communication device. But this camp has given me courage, and given me the opportunity to communicate with my child and use his communication device with him. So that we can have conversations and I'm just like, Thank You, Jesus, this is what it's all about empowering other people to take on, and take talking with their kids learning how to use a communication device starting to program it. So that was really exciting. Another thing that we've done is increased awareness of kids using communication devices in the schools. I when I went to the Calgary Board of Education, I'm like, okay, so what are we doing with these kids that use communication devices? I was shocked Diane to hear? Oh, well, we don't really know, you know, we don't really have any record of who's using what device or, like, seriously. So we were able to inspire this group of special speech language pathologist to start to get involved more with these kids using communication devices, and create programming to have like a database of who has what to get more education for the aides that work with these children and education for the teachers that work with these children, creating workshops and things. So it's been really exciting. So I'm the parent voice on this committee, and they meet, I think, during the school year, every other month, but it's just been exciting to see what has come out of me going up and saying, What do you know what kids have what, and just creating that awareness. So and then the last thing that we've stepped out and done is we've launched Melody Ann and as a parent, with a child with special needs, you cannot feel like you're going to be taking care of your child until you die. You can't visualize what it would be like for somebody else to be caring for your child or launching your child to live independent of you. And so in 2004 years ago, where are we now 23.

Valerie Abreau: 23:05

So 2018,we launched Melody Ann, and so we have a house that is wheelchair accessible. And we actually left that home, we bought another one with our youngest child, and then we left Melody Ann at home, we have two of the young ladies with disabilities. And we have an agency that provide 24 hour care for these young ladies. And it has been it was scary. And I have to say I was very close to burnout, if not in burnout, getting this organized. But I've learned a lot through it. And I'm so wanting to be able to share this with other parents. You can do it. You can dare to dream for your child, you can allow them to live a life outside of you and you can claim being mom, again, I can't tell you how amazing it is to just go and visit and just be mom. I can sing with Melody Ann and I don't have to think about her medications, whether she needs to be changed, whether it's time to change position. I don't have to think about hiring people firing people training people, T fours T for summaries, tax people. I can just be mom, and it's just been amazing. She is thriving, she has had to use a communication device so much more because we were in a position where we would she would say maybe one word or two words on a device. And then I would know and just quickly sort of anticipate what she would want. But now she's working with people. I mean they most of them have worked with her for years. So they do know her knees but it's like oh Melody Ann you need to give me some more words. So now she automatically will give them more words. So she's actually utilizing, utilizing her communication device way better. Now that she's having to living with people that don't know her as well. So it has been an amazing journey watching her Thrive advocating for herself. When you know things have not gone arrived. She loves concert so She will tell the house coordinator, Miss Beth concert. So Beth will have to go and sort of search through online, what concerts are coming up in the City of Calgary soon. And sort of, you know, help Melody Ann and book some times to go and see concerts and stuff. So I can't tell you how amazing it feels to be a mom of a child with special needs, who is living independent of me is doing she's going places in Calgary that I've never been. Because they are planned trips as a house with her housemates. And we go and do all kinds of things. And so I will stop talking now. When they get on about my children, I can go on for forever.

Diane Belz: 25:49

No, I have so many questions, I'm going to just start with a will number one listening to you. And I'm gonna, I'm starting to cry. And I'm saying, Lord, please let this have a happy ending. I just don't know why I don't even know you. And I wasn't prepared to hear the Melody Ann and didn't make it past the first week, I was just like, I want her to have a happy ending, or even a happy ending type of girl. That happy ending. But here's something that was so powerful. And I'd love that we have a God, who lets Valerie be mad. But it planted the seeds of her faith so deep that she said I need to give it to my daughter. Because I want her to have salvation. And he didn't abandon you. You sort of said, I'm done with you. I've been there. I there was times I didn't like the choices that He's made in my life. And to think that how deeply your own faith had to be that even though you said, you know, I'm not liking you right now. But I'm gonna I'm loving my daughter so much. And I know that she needs this. Like what a powerful testimony. And then to realize that you've planted the seeds that here's someone who can hear Jesus singing to her is pretty amazing. Like what gave you and Scott the power to just pour into this child, all the love of Christ? How could you do tha

Valerie Abreau: 27:27

Only by His grace, Diane, only by his grace, and only by holding on to his righteous right hand, and making sure that we spent time in the Word and spending time encouraging each other. Because you can imagine it was a roller coaster. Right, go into periods of depression, but God in his graciousness would allow us to go at different times, so that we could build each other up. And the other cool thing Diane, was God allowed us to see glimpses of how Melody Anne's life impacted others. And I believe that's what kept us going. She had, I can't even tell you how many people she had stepped into the role of working with children with disabilities, because of our experience. I remember a lady her name is Kathy. And she worked with preschool kids. And God orchestrated her and I to be in the deacons room at the same time. And I was needing to find someone to, to step up to be an aide for Melody Ann sort of teacher and I'm in my mind, I'm thinking it would be great because she's a preschool teacher, she understands that Melody Ann doesn't need to be babysat. I want to challenge her, I wanted to learn things. And she issued to me confessed to me at a later date, I was scared to death Val when you mentioned that to me. I was scared to death because I was frightened of what it would be like because here's a child that's tube fed, doesn't speak that's in a wheelchair. Cathy had no concept of what it would be like to work with that child. But she was obedient. And she came to work with us. And she worked with us for between Melody Ann and Ebony. She worked with us probably about three or four years. But that gave her the confidence and to step on and continue working with children with special needs, because she was done working in preschool because of some of the things that went on. And she just wanted to move on and do something different. And so I just think guy that he orchestrated as being together in the deacons room that day, and I was listening to the Holy Spirit enough to approach her and give her the invitation.

Diane Belz: 29:28

Wow, well, I also think it's, you know, not not ironic how God's view of the world and view of circumstances is so different than our little pea brains can imagine. That hears Melody Ann the doesn't have a voice but how loud she's speaking. Yes. And that is just such a wonderful experience and how you've let go how you've let her launch I have a niece who has CP as well. She's She's mo Well, she can walk. She's in school. And her language skills are a challenge. But she is a hoot because she knows what she's doing. I can't verbalize. And I'm listening to her mother tell a story of her lying to her teacher. She's in high school lying to her teacher, there's this. I don't know if it was a hamster or whatever. And she's hearing her mother, tell me the story. She is laughing so loud, like she's a little trickster. personality. And it's so funny that, you know, we feel at times that children with disabilities, that children, anyone who's different, right, that, that they're a burden. And when we look and see the blessings that they bring to us that God, He said that everything he makes this good every

Valerie Abreau: 30:57

I believe it is

Diane Belz: 30:59

Everything. Talk to me a little bit about your other daughter, what is her name?

Valerie Abreau: 31:05

Her name is Ebony. But just before I go there, I just want to tell you, because I'm just inspired by what you say that people look at people with disabilities differently. I just want to say that Melody Ann had the opportunity to write a song. So this is the child who doesn't speak. So again, just rising to the challenge. She was blessed to have a special needs teacher in her school, who recognize Melody Ann, tangibility, Melody Ann, and comes from a musical family and loves to sing. She loves to hear me sing, she loves to hear her daddy play instruments and her sister play piano. And her her teacher challenged her to write a song. And so she was inspired by Terry Kelly, who wrote and sang I don't know who wrote but he sang A Pittance of Time. So Melody Ann called it her November song. And she wrote a song called Poppies Are Special.

Valerie Abreau: 31:58

And it was just so interesting how patiently these teacher worked with Melody Ann. So Melody Ann here's the note now. So do you want the next note to go up or down? And this is how she wrote her song. And then when it came to the lyrics, okay, Melody Ann so what kind of words do you want to put in the song? And so if anybody wants to YouTube, Melody Ann Arbeau, and the Poppies Are Specia l is the name of the song. And I think it's a forgetting news network. But you can still google it. And it's an opportunity to see how Melody Ann actually got to write that song and hear the song. So yes, again, I just want to say, right, rising to the challenge. And if you raise the bar your children and this is not just children with disabilities, this is all children, everyone, all children, everyone, raise the bar, reach for the stars, and you can see where you'll land. So going back to my second child, Ebony is now 17. And beautiful. She was a Gerber Baby. I don't know if you remember the Gerber Baby happy faces. Yeah, chubby face, big blue eyes, curly curly hair. So I'm married to a Caucasian. I'm a Caribbean descent. I'm married to a Caucasian and so this is a child that looks white. So when she was first born, it was kind of like, Oh, do we change the name because we named her ebony. We decided that she needs to know her roots are black. We kept the name

Diane Belz: 33:34

That is so funny.

Valerie Abreau: 33:37

So we were so blessed. And we were thanking God because here was our typical child. And we just were so ecstatic. And I have to tell you, Ebony was so amazing with her sister, such an advocate for her sister when she was younger. And I remember the telephone section, sometimes have anyone answer the phone or a family call, they want to speak to Ebony. And then everything would say, Do you want to speak to my sister just have the phone over knowing that Melody Ann can't speak. But I just loved the fact that she cared so much about her sister and monitor include her sister and everything. So as Ebony grew, I recognized that she wasn't easy to discipline. And she never wanted to be on a schedule. Melody Ann needed to be on a schedule, because that's how we had to operate with her. Right. And she did well with the schedule and my brain the way my brain works that work well for me. And I've heard as you probably have as well, you know, get your child on a schedule that just make your life easier. So I strive to do that and was not overly successful. When Ebony got to probably grade three, four, I was recognizing she's not really getting invited to birthday parties, not really being invited to play dates and things. So we recognize that there was probably something but couldn't quite put our finger on it. So as she grew by the time she got to grade five, I'm like, there's definitely something going on. I'm not really sure what it is, but there's definitely something going on. So I remember asking her grade five teachers like, oh, just preteen, she's fine. I've raised three girls, it's all good. But I'm like, No, you don't live with Ebony you don't, you don't get it. What we were finding was that he was not necessarily able to follow through with things. Talk the talk, actually a very bright child, but not necessarily able to follow through with things messy, messy eater. And I was just kind of because we can have this with Melody Ann and just kind of coming into our all children's rooms this messy, like really. Anyway, so by the time Ebony was getting into grade six, we had her diagnosed with ADHD. And because she is this spitting image of her father, it's a good job that she looks like her father, because people can feel I remember when she was younger people thought I was the nanny. But anyway, another story that she looks nothing like me at all. And she's so white, anyways. So because she's so much like her father, I'm thinking, honey, I'm thinking you might need to get tested for ADHD as well. So now I am a mum of a child with cerebral palsy, a child with ADHD, and my husband has ADHD as well. Lord, how much do I have to bear.

Valerie Abreau: 36:32

And this is where I had to really dig in to my relationship with God, because it was getting to a place where I was feeling really overwhelmed. And so with Ebony we've had to learn the executive functioning is can be three to five years behind. And even though they're very bright, there's certain areas of her brain, frontal lobe that are not quite developed. So I've had to learn to navigate some of this with Ebony. And then we have gone into, you know, when kids going into junior high, I understood that it was tough for girls, I didn't realize how tough it could be. And then add to that, a neurodivergentcy with ADHD, and then we've just recently discovered that Melody Ann, well, we kind of knew that Melody Ann would likely be on the spectrum, the autistic spectrum. But we've just been confirmed this past week, that Ebony is also on the spectrum. Okay, so this would explain a lot of the social awkwardness, the difficulty with friendships, and all that. So it has been a journey, I have to say, and so through all of this, I have had to be a woman that has to depend on God, because this is too big for me. I just can't do it all by myself. So my relationship with God, my morning routine with God is so very important to me. Because that was what gives me the strength. When I think of the proverbs 31. Woman. Okay, but she is, I've had to embody that for myself. Because there are times when I'm just like, really,

Valerie Abreau: 38:07

When my neurodivergent family do things the way that they do, because their brains are just so different than theirs. They function so much differently to mine, what seems so much common sense to me, is still very different to them. It doesn't even cross their mind. So when, you know, things happen around the home, and it's like, could you not have just, I remember asking my husband, clothes can actually go in the laundry basket to they have to go on the floor, but it doesn't occur to them. But oh, yeah, just putting it up, just lift the lid and put it in the laundry basket. I've just learned recently, that it's a barrier for them to have a lid on a laundry basket. Who knew?

Diane Belz: 38:42

It's a what to them a barrier, a barrier. So if you took it off, it wouldn't have been a problem.

Valerie Abreau: 38:49

Likely,yes. It's easier.

Diane Belz: 38:55

Right? Got that makes sense. It's like this is too many steps. Exactly.

Valerie Abreau: 39:02

Exactly. So this is how I've had to kind of learn to navigate my life around my neurodivergent family so that we can all get along. So I have had to have a relationship with God that used like this, to get through every day.

Diane Belz: 39:18

So you're crossing your fingers audio podcasts, even though I can see you well, here's a question too, because I this is something that I have been the Lord's been showing me some things that I'm a strong woman I've been I've been blessed with that. And I was talking to your friend, Mitzi and how we can use that strength and almost that strength has us going around in a circle. It's it's too much. We're relying too much on our own strength, our own abilities our own saying, Well, we're the one who isn't Nero divergent in the household. So I have to take on a super role, which, for some of us, Proverbs 31 is just so impossible. And it's feels like we're trying to make ourselves into a woman warriors. And maybe that's not the message that we should be hearing from that. Do you hear a different message that they should have? Or is Joyce Meyers I think one time said, Oh, it's just a bunch of different qualities of woman, there wasn't this one woman with all these qualities? This was just an example of what a proverbs 31 woman could be. What's your feeling on that since you'll be speaking about that at this conference at your Summit?

Valerie Abreau: 40:47

I totally agree with what Joyce Meyer says when you think of the proverbs 31 Woman is overwhelming. I remember, when I started first reading about her, and thinking, t here's no way there is absolutely no way a woman can be all of these things. So as I've been sort of, you know, learning and sort of studying more about it, and realizing, as you mentioned, that this is actually a mother talking to her son, and letting him know, these are the qualities you need to look for in your wife. And so it's not necessarily a you have to have a woman with all of these things. But these are qualities that would be beautiful to have in your life. And these are the kinds of things you need to look for in your wife.

Diane Belz: 41:34

Okay, so it's not a job description. No, a, it's an idea. These are good things to find in your wife. Because the world says there's different things we should be looking at, for a wife, you know, it's all about how she looks, you know, it's about how sexy she is. It's about all these other things. And in saying maybe there's a different I don't know if it is a choice or selection that we should be looking at that might be a little bit better decisions, less fleshly decisions,

Valerie Abreau: 42:07

Exactly. And one of the other things I think that women need to understand as we look at all those qualities, when you look at the last thing that's mentioned, what's mentioned is a woman that fears the Lord. That's what it's all about. A woman that fears the Lord. So when you think of Proverbs 31, woman, it's all summed up in that statement, a woman that fears the Lord. And we all can be Proverbs 31 women, when we make God, the first in our world, the first in our life, the first love of in our hearts. When we fear the Lord, we can then be praised. And it's not a fear that you know, only you're quaking in your boots. No, it's having a heart this completely in awe of God, a woman who honors God by seeking Him in everything she does entrusting him wholeheartedly with her life, and the lives of those close to her. That's what being proverbs 31 Woman is one that feels the Lord.

Diane Belz: 43:09

And it seems, from what you've talked about that that's what you've done. And that's why you've had it so tight. When my mother had passed away, I was looking for someone else to do the eulogy. That there's five other siblings, and I stepped up to the plate, and I use proverbs 31 woman have some of the qualities that my mother did have, and that you can respect and admire. And it is so different than the world. The church that I go to, we're going through the book of Proverbs, and looking at it, and it is about wisdom. It's just seeing, it's like turning what the world's view of life and wisdom is upside down. So how are you incorporating for the summit? How are you going to be give us some highlights of what you're going to be saying at the summit about this Proverbs 31 Woman.

Valerie Abreau: 44:09

Well, I think the first thing is recognizing that the Proverbs 31 woman only is in the Bible, because a mother wanted to talk to her son, about who what the qualities to look for in a wife. So I think a lot of us forget that the first nine verses talk about who he is and what she wants him to do differently. And so that's one of the things I'll be bringing out. So well. Let's look at the Proverbs 31 Man, which will give us more of an understanding of why the Proverbs 31 woman came about. Okay. Yeah. And then sort of just looking at just taking each of the verses, and how can we bring that into our lives and then as I just mentioned earlier, You're looking at the last quality which is fearing the Lord, and that the fact that we all can be proverbs 31 women, we don't have to feel that we'll never measure up, we'll never achieve it. And just understanding where the real power is, and that is in connection with God.

Diane Belz: 45:18

And the attractiveness of that, that we we feel, you know, we have to have this exterior attractiveness, and I'm not going against that. But see what there is something that's very attractive about someone who takes on like the gifts of the Holy Spirit, you know, that love that peace, that joy, that goodness, faithfulness, all of that, how attractive that is, and to instilling that into our daughters, and then also instilling looking for those virtues in our sons, like what a different world we would have what a different marriages we would have with different relationships with the opposite sex. And I'm gonna say what a different relationship that we have with ourself, is that to, you know, really be looking to work on the or inside or our spiritual health. As much as we do the other parts, we're at times, you know, different ports, that we can focus too much on our outside appearance, our physical appearance, our financial appearance, whatever that might be. Where if we do as you said, the fear of the Lord first, the others seem to be almost natural byproducts of that.

Valerie Abreau: 46:37

I agree, I totally agree. Because it's as we allow Christ to shine in us, then we can shine allow that to shine through us. And that's when at least you say everything else falls into place. Because we recognize who we are in Christ, we recognize that our bodies are the temple of God, where he wants to abide through His Holy Spirit. And so then we take on a whole new meaning of what our bodies are, it's not that we're wanting to look fit, to attract the opposite sex, or to attract attention. No, we are wanting to take care of the temple, so that we can minister to others so we can have the energy we can have the mental capacity to do what God has called us to do. And He has called each and every one of us uniquely, for a purpose, only something that each one of us uniquely can do. There's only people that I can reach. And God is, you know, empowered me, through His Spirit, to reach certain people is empowered you to reach certain people, we all have our own audience that He wishes us to work with. But if we're not taking care of our temple, God can work through is the, you know, the energy, the force is His power, His love can't work through us, unless we're open. Unless our minds are clear, unless our bodies are healthy. And work through us.

Diane Belz: 47:56

I want to go back to something that you said about Melody Ann and challenging. And my sister was a teacher and educator for 30 years. And she was looking how the educational system kept on lowering the bar and not raising it up saying well, what are they capable of? Let's keep on moving and see what what they're really made of? Exactly. See. It's a sense of boredom. It's a sense of like, apathy, that we're almost instilling in people's not to challenge themselves. So you've learned through your daughter the power of challenging her, wrote a song that she's living, not independently, but you launched her. What are some of the challenges if we want to either be a Proverbs 31 woman or a woman warrior? What what are some challenges that you would recommend that we have for ourselves, so that we can become more of what God created us to be, as you said, to speak to the audience that were called to speak? From your experience? What would you recommend Val.

Valerie Abreau: 49:12

I would recommend that you shine and shine is an acronym that I have

Diane Belz: 49:21

my love acronym.

Valerie Abreau: 49:24

S stands for say yes to self. And when I say that, as a mom, most women and not just moms, but women tend to be because we're of the nurturing type. We tend to be taking care of everyone else. And we're not even necessarily on our priority list, let alone at the top. So my thing is, say yes to self, because you can't get from an empty cup. When you get on a plane. If there's an emergency they tell you to put the oxygen on yourself first, right? Are you trying to help someone else? So I would say yes to self, so that you can take care of you, before you start reaching out to others. So that you can be prepared and equipped to do what God's calling you to do.

Valerie Abreau: 50:10

So say ask yourself haitch is sorry, forget forgive my English hate is. Y'all see? How do you say, Ah. So, he is having a relationship with a higher power. And tapping into God is all powerful. He spoke the world into existence, and he wants to download that power into you got to make that connection, you got to make time to have that connection with God. So, having a connection with a higher power for me, I've chosen to have a connection with God. Having Him download into me every morning gives me the ability to go through my day with grace, and patience.

Valerie Abreau: 51:00

So I is be an influence, be an inspiration to someone. God hasn't called us to sit and do nothing. God has called us to shine our light. God has called us to give the invitation that we have graciously accepted to other people. We've done s h i n, and is nutrition. And it has to be talked about a little earlier and nutrition, nutritious food for this temple that God has blessed us with. Often, we are the culprit of a disease, through our own choices. We can make healthy choices. So that our bodies can be the best that they can be. So that our minds can be clear, so that we can hear the Holy Spirit speak to us.

Valerie Abreau: 51:48

And E is exercise. Now a lot of people don't like that word. So we can change it to movement. But we need to move we've been created to move. You know, Western society tends to be sedentary, a lot of us it's an effort to get out and go for a walk. But we need to move because there's so many benefits to movement. There's so many benefits for exercising, you know the endorphins, the just that the happy mood that you can put yourself in just by exercising. So that's my acronym. And that's what I live by shine. And that gives me the opportunity to shine on for Jesus.

Diane Belz: 52:30

It is a challenge, as you said for for us to shine for us to really feel that saying yes to ourself, because it can feel selfish. And then there's times that we say yes to self, and it goes counter to the acronym that you're given. We say yes to self and I'm working on this. This is my August challenge for myself is saying yes to myself means to eat well saying yes to myself means to exercise where before it can say Oh, I'm tired or while I'm stressed and I need a candy bar or Gosh, ice cream would be really good at this point. It's how we really have to inspire and influence ourselves to do these things because the world and our you know, I called that toddler brain of ours, it seems to be like but is great. That that we have to fight against it. So I'm looking at that acronym and saying yes, but that first one is really I want to reframe it a little bit saying yes to what self what self should we be saying yes to? Because my selfish self says something different than my spiritual self. Okay, there you go. You saw that love it love it does take a village to talk about this. So why should women women, I always get that word. So you say hey, I have to work like how am I going to say this word? Right? Why should they join you in this summit? How is this going to transform them, help them, inspire them?

Valerie Abreau: 54:24

We Mitzi Tammy and Wendy and I believe that each one of us has a warrior inside. And often for most of us we have if we're not going through it now we've been through where that woman warrior has been suppressed. For one reason or the other, whether it be life circumstances, whether it be health, whatever it may be, but God has created us to be warriors to be part of His army. And so we feel we need to awaken that woman warrior to bring out that woman that God has created you to be. We're not here to be subservient. We're not here to be doormats. We're not here to be caregivers for all of our life. We're to be the warrior that God has claimed us to be because we're in a spiritual battle. Right? This is not Easy Street. God has called us to be in His army, to bring other people to him. He has a banquet table for all of us to be at, and He wants all of us to be there. And we all have been given the mission, we're ambassadors for Christ, we've been given a mission to wake up the woman warrior, so that women can claim who they are in Christ, and be the example to their daughters, their sons, within their families, in their workplaces, in their neighborhoods, in their churches, because it's time it's time to rise for God, it's time to take on our assignment, to bring others to him.

Diane Belz: 55:57

And to claim the power that He gives us, because like you said, we have allowed circumstances situations, other people, other voices, say something different. Yes. And I think that, as you said, we have to have that really close relationship with God, so that we can hear the truth that He wants to speak about who we are, yes, you fly it, or just block out, fight back. Yes, it's the battle is both within and outside, that we have to fight it, who we really are, we are blessed, we are gifted, we are unique, we are special. And that woman warrior can look different for each and every one of us. So you were a woman warrior, fighting for your children, you know, fighting for your relationship, you know, because as you said, when you have a child with difficulties when there's that you really have to be in the battle to fight because the devil wants to destroy and uses these little disappointments are these big disappointments, to really distract, he can let these diseases and disabilities to come in and say he's going to say, this is your God. And you have to be prepared. And without having that word of God instilled in you with that quiet time that we spend. We are really going to lose those battles moment by moment, day by day.

Valerie Abreau: 57:31

Yes, yes. Amen. Speak it Diane.

Diane Belz: 57:39

Love it. Yes, I Well, it's just amazing. Because when we, I love to look at people, the hardships that they've been through. And that's so much what The Hope Station is all about. And God does not disappoint because He is working in us and through us through these challenges. I had read a long time ago that you can plant an acorn on, you know, a cliff on the sea and an acorn in the forest. And which oak tree becomes stronger. It's the one who's been battling the wind and the storms and growing deeper roots to support them, rather than the one who has been protected and guarded. And this is where you speak again to you know, challenging Melody Ann that we have to challenge ourself, that we can be stronger, because someone could have gone through the same exact circumstances that you did, and have a very different outcome to their life. Because you decided to stay close to God, that even when you were mad at Him, you were still getting to plant those seeds of faith in Melody Ann and it is our choices really end up making our life either something that we can feel proud of, you know, we took on the battle. And through the grace of God, we won it.

Valerie Abreau: 59:02

Amen. Amen.

Diane Belz: 59:05

So awesome. Well, thank you. Thank you. Anything else? That was good.

Valerie Abreau: 59:13

You're welcome. I'm sorry, you're taking so much time, I tend to talk a lot.

Diane Belz: 59:19

You had me I was gripped in your story. It's a beautiful story. It's a powerful story. And I'm so happy that you decided to share with us share with me this time on your birthday week. And you have this important summit starting tomorrow. So I wish you a lot of luck with that. Thank you. I really appreciate you pulling into the hope station and giving us a wonderful dose of hope.

Valerie Abreau: 1:00:30

You're very welcome. Thank you. It's been my pleasure. And may God bless you in your ministry.